Flaws

The first thing a child with special needs learns in school is that he is flawed and that flaw is the most important thing about him – I read this today and thought, after the events of the past few days, how absolutely true this is. But it isn’t the child’s classmates that designate the differences. Especially in the early grades, they barely notice and couldn’t care less.

First please know that this blog/rant isn’t directed at the wonderful, sensitive, compassionate and dedicated teachers/assistants/administrators that work under very trying circumstances to make a positive difference for every student in their care. I know, love and respect them. I trust they know who they are and feel confident that many of them share my harsh feelings about the ones among them who destroy self-esteem and the love of learning in small children for personal and/or selfish reasons.

So, considering my own experience, having raised three fairly normal children who travelled through a fairly average school system, graduated, completed post-secondary education, and went on to become productive citizens, and having worked in schools for 18 years, many of them in special ed. classrooms, and who is now watching a small grandson struggle, I have some observations I’d like to share.

Fact: Some students are harder to teach than others.

Two of my children were easy learners and for the most part, they had fabulous teachers. Parent teacher interviews were pleasant visits; everyone parted smiling. My middle child, bless her heart, was more difficult to teach. Sometimes parent/teacher interviews were hell. I can count the number of nurturing, compassionate teachers in her life on one hand.

Was she just unlucky? Heck no. Teachers like children who learn easily – it makes them feel good, makes them feel successful, that they’re doing a wonderful job. For the most part and for most students, they probably are but, when faced with the challenge of a student who just doesn’t “get it”, their nurturing, compassionate nature often goes out the window.

Fact: If a child isn’t learning from the way the teacher teaches, it’s up to the teacher to change the way he/she is teaching.

Children are, after all, children. It is not up to them to adjust to a rigid teacher. Educators are all aware of different learning styles but some only give lip service to the concept. The really good educators are able to pinpoint the needs of each student and teach to them accordingly. Some teachers will say there isn’t enough time/there are too many students/there aren’t resources to teach this way. Not true. There are dedicated, successful teachers doing it on the same resources with the same amount of time and number of students. They are angels and there are far too few of them.

Fact: Busy children are happy children.

However, that means they have to leave their seats sometimes, work on hands-on projects and get down and dirty. They need the freedom to discover what works and what doesn’t work even if this means the classroom is sometimes chaotic. Some children cause more chaos than others. This is not a crime.

Fact: Children learn better when they are having fun.

See above!

Fact: Educators put their pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else.

When a child in kindergarten runs into his teacher at the grocery store/gas station/library etc., he is confused. The teacher is out of context and when the child finally places him/her, he wonders why the teacher isn’t at school, waiting for Monday morning and the children to arrive.  However, students soon come to realize that their teachers are just people with hopes, dreams, sorrows and baggage, just like everyone else.  It takes some teachers longer to come to the same conclusion.

Fact: Asking intelligent questions of educators is not confrontational and if a teacher/administrator sees it that way, he/she/they are likely already feeling vulnerable.

Also Fact: A parent has the right to question her child’s program, especially when it does not seem to be working.

Sometimes, when a parent disagrees with the way things are done, suggests for example, that making a child with numerous difficulties write out, in his agenda in his own shaky writing, that he has changed reading levels (and he understands that he has been demoted from one reading level which he was proud to finally achieve to a lower level even though the difference in books is negligible) is a tad cruel, the teacher takes the note as being confrontational. Are parents required to always agree with the teacher? Are teachers not expected to be accountable?

Can a parent not ask questions when her child cries because he doesn’t want to go to school, when a little boy who left kindergarten full of confidence and joy tells his mom he’s stupid –  that he can’t do anything right, when he refuses to try new tasks and who has anxiety attacks? Parents are allowed, no, obligated, to ask questions, to assure their children are being educated in a safe and nurturing manner. And some educators need to weed their own gardens before telling anyone else why their plants aren’t growing.

March is Epilepsy Awareness Month in Canada

Recently, my second grandson asked me if he could bring the Transformer movie to my house so he could watch it with Grandpa and me. I asked him if it was scary.

 He said, “No but you will cover your eyes, Grandma, because there’s lots of shootin’.”

I said, “I don’t like shooting. I would be scared.”

He said, “Its okay Grandma. Don’t worry. You can sit close to me. I am brave.”

Instantly, I felt a lump in my throat because, in all truth, this grandson is the bravest person I know. Not brave in a flamboyant, jump into the river and save someone drowning kind of brave, although knowing his six-year-old heart, I don’t doubt he’d do that if the occasion arose, but the kind of brave that makes a very young man with a seizure disorder meet each day with optimism and dignity. His condition is known as myoclonic astatic epilepsy or Doose syndrome which is characterized by multiple seizure types and presents him with several other unpleasant physical and mental obstacles to overcome.

As I write this, he is in a good place regarding the seizures – his meds are effective for the most part and have allowed him to be a kid, to grow and to learn and to interact with his brothers and his friends in grade one. However, the meds, the syndrome or a combination of both have left him tired, fragile and unable to concentrate. That’s where bravery comes in.

This little guy doesn’t give up. He doesn’t withdraw or strike out. He does the best he can under really harsh circumstances and faces every situation head on. His peers are racing ahead of him by leaps and bounds and his school experience has been less than nurturing this year, yet his quiet gentle nature has earned him the friendship and respect of the children in his class, many of whom step up to help him if he falls behind .

Our boy doesn’t fit in a box and he’s okay with that. He handles each situation as it comes and although some tasks take longer, or are too complicated for his little hands that shake with a tremor, he does his best. He doesn’t complain. That’s bravery.

He handles the medical encounters the same way. Many of the procedures he has endured are not pleasant but he takes a deep breath and doesn’t object. His beautiful brown eyes may fill to the brim but there is no fuss. That’s bravery.

I don’t know what the future holds for this young man, but whatever the challenges, he will fight to overcome them. There’s a saying, what doesn’t kill us makes us strong, and it’s true. The challenges he faces now are forming strength and resiliency of character. But that can be destroyed by too many harsh words, too many people implying that he’s not good enough, he’s not measuring up, he’s different. It can break a gentle spirit.

Epilepsy doesn’t mean my grandson is not bright or that he can’t learn. It doesn’t mean that he won’t be able to have a successful life when he grows up. It does mean that there are some things he likely won’t able to do, but there are others he will excel at.

Epilepsy is still misunderstood in our society.  People with seizure disorders face an uphill struggle and the key to ending that struggle is education. If you know someone with a seizure disorder, if there is someone in your child’s school that is affected, or, if you just want to be a better informed human being, educate yourself. Understand the facts and dispel the myths. Help children with epilepsy grow up to be accepted, valued and confident. And in getting to know them, they can probably teach you something about patience, perseverance and bravery.

March is epilepsy awareness month in Canada. For further information go to www.epilepsycalgary.com or www.epilepsy.ca